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Wednesday, July 26, 2006 ----- its the end of the world as we know it...and i feel fine.
imagine not knowing what your future holds. whether or not you are going to live or die. not knowing if you will be there for your kids...to see them graduate, to see them succeed...to be there for them when you need to be. to hold your baby's babies...to see the smiling faces of your grandkids. to see your kids make something of themselves, or to be there for them when they make mistakes. imagine taking your life for granted for so long, thinking that you're invincible....then waking up one day, and your whole life has changed...you no longer see things out of the same eyes. it's like as if overnight, your eyes and your whole outlook on life was replaced with a new one. imagine thinking to yourself, i just hope that i make the most out this sweet life...and make an impression on my kids to last them throughout their whole lives, and their childrens lives as well...imagine wishing you could take away all the bad things you've done, all the mean things you've said...all the times you took for granted, all the memories you might have had, but you were too busy being mad. imagine not being able to spend eternity with the one you love the most...the one that makes your heart beat fast just by his looks, just by his touch. he doesn't even have to say anything...you are just in the same room, and you just know that he is loving you with all his heart and soul and he doesn't have to say a word... imagine wondering what will happen to him? will someone love him as much as i? will he be okay...imagine wondering what will happen to your mom if you go before her...who will be there to help her up when she's down...and who will take care of her when she deserves to be taken care of? imagine not knowing what the future holds...and then imagine what it would be like to be in my shoes for one day...i think these thoughts on a daily basis...i just want to feel like the day of the mxpx concert, like the day that my kids gave me that special drawing or colored me that pretty picture...the mothers day when i woke up to a homemade breakfast surrounded by cards from my family and friends...the bbq's that we shared with the ones that mean the most...the parties we got drunk at together and laughed all night, but wanted so bad to puke the next day! the times the whole family came together and not one person fought, or hurt someones feelings...the moments of dispair when i thought my world was ending, but my family and friends were there with words of faith and encourgement...the love that i felt when i was sick last year, and the love i feel when i still get sick!...the emotions that i feel when michael holds me in his arms...the butterflies in my tummy that i feel when he kisses my lips....the happiness at hearing the words, "i love you..." from everyone i love back...every day i make a memory...everyday i have a moment that i think, "wow...i love my life." and everyday, i just wished this ride would never end...
me.
Sometimes I'm mad at the world, and I take it out on everyone around me...but for the most part, I'm happy with my life...
But I am a dreamer...I am a MOM, a WIFE, a daughter, an aunt, a sister, a cousin, a grandaughter, a neice, a hardworker, a true friend,
a nag, lazy, mean, bitchy, bossy and hard to deal with, but that's me...
I'm me, no matter what that may be....you can either love me, or hate me...
Did you know that every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back...
I've learned you gotta live your life to it's fullest, cause tomorrow is not promised to us, we gotta take each day and live it like it was our last.
I wanna LOVE my husband like he's never been loved, I wanna be the best mom that I can be to my kids.
I wanna ROCK OUT, WITH MY CROTCH OUT (not literally)...I don't want to have one single regret the day that I die...
I want for people to remember me...
When I grow up, I want to be a photographer...I want to take beautiful pictures of people...it's just my silly dream, don't know if I'll ever get around to doing it....one day Patty, one day...
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