<![CDATA[
<body><script type="text/javascript">
function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) {
if(window.addEventListener) {
window.addEventListener('load',
function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false);
} else {
window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; });
}
}
</script>
<div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div>
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script>
<script type="text/javascript">
gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() {
if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) {
gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({
url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/18147204?origin\x3dhttp://pattyluvs2dance.blogspot.com',
where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"),
id: "navbar-iframe"
});
}
});
</script>
]]>
Navigation right above...
Please make sure to leave your comments!
(To read previous months entries)
Click the .links. right above
Then click on the month under the ARCHIVES to see my past entries
Then Click on .my entries. again
Wednesday, July 12, 2006 ----- random a.d.d. thoughts
i haven't blogged in awhile. not that i haven't had anything to write about. actually i've had alot of stuff going on. life has been like a hurricane. a whirlwind of emotion, and craziness. seems like this year is going to be as insane as the last. the good thing is i'm not sick anymore. i'm just bored out of my mind. i'm going insane in this little bitty ass apt. with the kids. j.j. went to his grandma's today and destiny is at the neighbors. reese is watching family guy with me, so i'm going to have a nice quiet night. i rented some movies too, so i'm gonna make it a blockbuster night. i've been going through some crazy emotions since michael left on monday. actually since we went to the club 2 wks ago. he acted kinda' crazy when we left the club. not really crazy, just his usual jealous self. usually he can contain it, but that night he just couldn't stand it anymore. some guy was basically paying too much attention to me, and he kinda' cornered me and we were just talking about tattoo's and shit. i wasn't thinking anything of it, but i'm a ditz like that. i don't think he was hitting on me, but michael said his body language towards me suggested otherwise. i don't think the way he does i guess. maybe the guy was hitting on me, but i wasn't responding to it...therefore i shouldn't get in trouble for something i didn't do. i just hate to be accused of something, when i'm just being friendly. i'm friendly, i can't help it. it's me...that's who i am. he obviously hasn't figured that out these past 8 years. i'm being negative, i know...i can't help it. i feel so unloved at this moment. not that i feel like he doesn't love me. i know he does. i just know him well enough to know when something is bothering him and he doesn't talk about it. he'd rather avoid the whole thing than confront it. he says cause i'll freak out. yeah, i probably will. i just don't like to be accused of silly things. he knows, the world knows how much i love him. i love him more than words can even begin to describe. my words these days seem to have no power behind them. i know that it's probably all in my head. he says that everything is fine. he's acting like everything is fine. in all actuallity, it does seem like nothing has changed. i just think that in my head i'm inventing shit. i emailed him tonight. i wanted so bad for him to email me back. he's tired though from working out of town. i know that he's really busy, but i'm just being lonely without him. i am trying my best to stay sane here, but i feel like i'm losing it. the house is tore up. the guys are out here everyday fixing it. i'm looking foward to it being all new and pretty. and to think i don't have to do any of the work. other than that, i found an old journal that i started. i have a tendency to do that. i'll start one in a pretty new notebook, and then when the notebook starts looking crappy, i'll stop writing in it. i think that i'm obsessive compulsive. i want to go on vacation to vegas. i think that i'm going to ask michael to start saving his money from his side jobs for us to go to vegas.i think it would rock. god...i'm going nutts. i feel so crazy in my head right now. so many thoughts are just clouding my brain. i can't stop thinking that i'm going to drive michael insane. that i'm going to push him over the edge with my insane thoughts. my heart is feeling heavy. my head is going to explode. why am i feeling like this??? could it be the medicine i'm on? i might have to check out the side effects cause i totally feel insane at the moment. not insane, insane. i just feel like i have a.d.d. going on in my head. too many thoughts to process. i found some poetry i had written. i don't know if i should call it poetry...just thoughts that i thought i should save.
4/03/05
I call your name
but you don't hear me
i'm falling
could you?
would you?
catch me and pick me up when i'm down?
can you see i'm in pain?
this emotional pain is worse than the physical.
demons telling me lies
saying you don't love me...
could it be true?
4/3/05
Empty heart
No one to love
Sadness
Hollow eyes
Crying, No laughter
No one to hold
Nobody to make memories with
Loneliness.
Enough to make you want to die.
04/03/05
"Michael"
His blue eyes
make me melt
His rough hands
make me shiver with delight
His voice sends chills
through my body
His breath against my neck as we sleep
awakens the butterflies in my tummy
His sweet kisses
make my heart beat out of sync
His strong arms
protect me and make me feel secure
I could die in his arms.
04/03/05
"my kids"
their laughter
the look on their faces xmas morning
squeeling laughter from being tickled
holding their tiny hands in mine
kissing them goodnight
their first bike ride without training wheels
the funny things they say
the way the say "i love you"
i'm glad to be blessed with my kids.
till the next thought.
*patty*
me.
Sometimes I'm mad at the world, and I take it out on everyone around me...but for the most part, I'm happy with my life...
But I am a dreamer...I am a MOM, a WIFE, a daughter, an aunt, a sister, a cousin, a grandaughter, a neice, a hardworker, a true friend,
a nag, lazy, mean, bitchy, bossy and hard to deal with, but that's me...
I'm me, no matter what that may be....you can either love me, or hate me...
Did you know that every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back...
I've learned you gotta live your life to it's fullest, cause tomorrow is not promised to us, we gotta take each day and live it like it was our last.
I wanna LOVE my husband like he's never been loved, I wanna be the best mom that I can be to my kids.
I wanna ROCK OUT, WITH MY CROTCH OUT (not literally)...I don't want to have one single regret the day that I die...
I want for people to remember me...
When I grow up, I want to be a photographer...I want to take beautiful pictures of people...it's just my silly dream, don't know if I'll ever get around to doing it....one day Patty, one day...
.my entries.
.talk to me.
.links.
.just me.
