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Tuesday, March 07, 2006 ----- el paso trip and other random thoughts...
so i've been here since sunday, i've been sick since last thurs...but the worst of it hit me sunday. i had larangitis for like 2 days now...i'm missing michael like a mofo, i thought that i could do this all alone...i thought i could just come out here for a whole week and be like on vacation...but, i'm missing my kids and michael sooooo bad.
sandy's mom passed away today, i feel really sad for her, and bobby. i didn't even know what to say. i'm not very good with words of comfort. it seems like when i was going through my craziness, people were always comforting me w/ their kind words and actions, but when it's the other way around...i feel like what i'm saying isn't good enough. like my words of comfort aren't going to be enough in their sad or crazy times. i don't know...i know the power of prayer works, so i'll be sure to pray for her and her family...
so, this dial up internet sucks ass...let me tell you. i can't even wait for shit to download cause it takes so damn long. forget pulling up myspace. especially my damn profile cause all the pictures won't even come up. so, i have to say that roadrunner is the way to go...anything is better that shitty ass dial up.
other than just laying my sick ass in bed and watchig tv all day and missing my family like crazy...i haven't done SHIT...i really haven't even been able to kick it with grandma cause i'm afraid to get her sick. my mom said that she doesn't want her sick...she already sleeps all day long. i know now where i get my laziness from...cause i can sleep my whole day away and not even worry...she is the same way...
so tomorrow i am going to take pictures at my mom's work...cuz i'm bored. and i'm conceited...not really, but cause i have nothing better to do, and i might as well be happy that i have made it this far...32 years. wow. i'm not even 50 yet i've been through some shit this past year, that has aged me mentally. it's actually for michael...i'm bored and i just thought that since i'm here i should take some professional pictures for my honey bunny. i'm gonna go for the natural look. i want to take pic's barefoot like sitting around...i have these images in my head, but i just hope that they come out like i want them too...
and then there's tv...i've been watching way too much of it...i have seen way too many episodes of "whose wedding is it anyways" i now know that women have way too many unrealistic ideas for weddings and that the men who cater to these fantasy come true weddings have way too much money to burn...wtf is wrong with these people spending 250 thousand on a wedding???? a single day? holy cow. that is so retarded. i can think of a million things to buy for that much money. maybe it's just me...maybe i'm just not that type of girl that cares about having a huge pain in the ass wedding like that. mine and michael's was sweet and simple all though it rained all day and night and was doomed from the beginning...i think that God was punishing me for doing the whole halloween theme...it was still beautiful to me though. i cried. i cried because i love him whole heartedly and i was so glad to do it in front of our family and friends. his mom wasn't too happy with the theme...she's real christian (as if there is a fake christian...i know that made no sense), so i understood...but, she came for us and she enjoyed it and cried. it was beautiful...the next one will be better. i plan on marrying him a million more times...like every five years. i want to marry him on the beach and in vegas and maybe even one day in church. maybe...i'm a believer in God...but, i just don't agree with church weddings...they are soooo long and boring. i would much rather have the non denominational preacher come out to our house/or beach and marry us. either way i'm getting married again in like 2 years...so everyone be prepared to buy me a gift...hehe i guess j.j. will give me away this time...he probably be more than happy too...i wish we would've recorded the renewal cause i don't even remember what j.j. or reese did???? i know destiny was the flower (actually she threw spiders and bugs down), and megan was my maid of honor and stephen was michaels best man, and reese actually jumped around a whole lot...i know that j.j. was standing up there with us, but i don't remember what he did...did he hold the rings? someone jog my memory...jog my memory? what a white thing to say...LOL does that even make sense???? jog my memory...oh lord. i need roadrunner.
anyway...i guess that's all for today. till my next random thought...
*patty*
me.
Sometimes I'm mad at the world, and I take it out on everyone around me...but for the most part, I'm happy with my life...
But I am a dreamer...I am a MOM, a WIFE, a daughter, an aunt, a sister, a cousin, a grandaughter, a neice, a hardworker, a true friend,
a nag, lazy, mean, bitchy, bossy and hard to deal with, but that's me...
I'm me, no matter what that may be....you can either love me, or hate me...
Did you know that every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back...
I've learned you gotta live your life to it's fullest, cause tomorrow is not promised to us, we gotta take each day and live it like it was our last.
I wanna LOVE my husband like he's never been loved, I wanna be the best mom that I can be to my kids.
I wanna ROCK OUT, WITH MY CROTCH OUT (not literally)...I don't want to have one single regret the day that I die...
I want for people to remember me...
When I grow up, I want to be a photographer...I want to take beautiful pictures of people...it's just my silly dream, don't know if I'll ever get around to doing it....one day Patty, one day...
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